Dense
by daydream believer1
Summary: JayXSilent Bob Sometimes Silent Bob can be really dense.


Title: Dense

Author: Niroby aka Bree

Pairing: Jay/Silent Bob

Rating: I'd go an M, only cause of "occasional coarse language"

Summary: Sometimes Silent Bob can be really dense.

Disclaimer: Dammed gorgeous Kevin Smith owns them all, but that's ok I'll just borrow them for a while.

Author's Notes: Well this is my second attempt my first attempt got screwed up and chucked in the bin. Believe me it was that bad. Well enjoy.

Dense

Jay swore, sometimes Silent Bob could really be a thick fuck. He looked at himself in the mirror. The tight, expensive, leather pants he'd spent over an hour pouring himself into them and they made him look damn good, but did that tubby bitch care. He had spent fifteen minutes prancing around, dropping a record number of things so he could bend over and Lunchbox could see his incredibly fuckable arse. Silent Bob had looked at him once and then turned back to his cartoons.

Jay put on his trench coat, he looked good and he was going to get him some proof. He raided Silent Bob's wallet as he went out, he was broke. Again.

Jay walked up and down a couple of streets till he found a group of girls he knew. He strode up to them and asked: "Okay Ladies, what is your opinion on my arse in these pants?" He did a twirl. The girls cat-called and woof- whistled. Jay smiled, he knew he looked fuckable, Silent Bob was just dense. He explained his problem, minus the Silent Bob parts; he didn't want people thinking he was a fucking fairy. The girls looked at each other and as one they squealed: "Makeover!"

Jay swore, one day he was going to think through his plans before carrying them out.

3 Hours Later

Jay walked back into the apartment and dropped the clothes, the girls he insisted he just had to have, by the doorway. He looked up and came face to face with a very pissed Silent Bob. Jay watched him as he picked up his wallet and tipped it upside down, a few dockets floated down Silent Bob shook out and nothing else came out. Jay looked sheepish and handed over twenty dollars. Silent Bob continued glaring, and wriggled his fingers. Jay dug into his coat's pockets and pulled out tow more notes- a ten and a twenty. "That's all of it Lunchbox."

Jay gave a slight smile, finally a reaction. True it wasn't the one he was looking for but it was something. He took off his beanie tossing it into the corner, knocking a half-eaten slice of pie onto the floor. As he shook his hair out, he saw the colour drain out of Silent Bob's face. Two reactions he was on a roll.

Jay was spun around and pushed down onto the couch, he tried to get up but Silent Bob held him down. Silent Bob snarled, yes snarled. Jay decided to just sit tight. Silent Bob started to pace, Jay bit his lip nervously the fat fuck looked incredibly mad.

"What the fuck is up with you?" Silent Bob asked. He continued not expecting an answer. "First you parade this morning in leather pants. I've never even seen you wear leather. Then you say your going out for cigarettes and don't come back for three fucking hours, and you return with fifty shitty bucks change. There was three hundred dollars in that wallet. What the Fuck did you spend two hundred and fifty dollars on? And what the hell did you do to your hair?" Silent Bob stopped talking and sank down onto the couch.

Jay played with a strand of his purple, the girls said it was blueberry, but it was so fucking purple. He smiled up at Bob. "Sooo you don't like the hair? Anyway it's only a rinse."

Silent Bob sighed and punched the cushion lying next to him, his hair, the beautiful blond locks. Sometimes he didn't know what to do with the little brat, he was torn between the desire to strangle him and the overwhelming urge to kiss him. Of course, there was always option number three, but he wasn't ready to delve into those kinks.

Jay bit his lip again; the girls had given him another piece of advice to follow if his new look failed him. He leant over and kissed Silent Bob on the lips, pulling away when Bob's lips remained stationary. Jay went to get up and started to mutter an explanation, when he was pushed back down onto the couch and was savagely kissed by Silent Bob. Jay would have smiled if his mouth wasn't otherwise occupied. So the fat fuck was a little dense, Jay didn't care at all.

The end


End file.
